The Life Of The Clymster

Vintage Jesus - What will Jesus do on his return?

2010-02-09T16:28:00.000-08:00

This talk by Mark driscoll, pastor of Mars Hill, is all about the kingdom of heaven vs the kingdom of death. When Jesus returns what does that mean for the christian? what does it mean for the non-christian? Most of his pointers boil down to the simple answer, that if you believe in Jesus, and repent of your sins that you will be judged upon your actions, deeds and thoughts and you will get your just reward in heaven. For those who don't believe nor repent, When Jesus returns it will be a time when you will be judged on your punishment and fair justice in Hell.
He made the point that Jesus is Lord over all, both Heaven AND Hell, that a common misconception is that Satan or demons will rule over Hell when actually no-one EXCEPT Jesus rules over EVERYthing. So for the christian, it is a time of anticipation and expectation and excitement; for the non christian its a time of making the most of your time here on the earth now because this is the closest you have to heaven.

This kind of links into some of the questions that were arising tonight about - why would a Just God show such wrath and such discompassion to the non believer. The reality however, is that if we did not have the wrath or justice that is deserved for someone who has done wrong then surely God is not a just nor truely Loving God.

I think something that is interesting from listening to this preach is our focus, our focus is very much on evangelism and preaching the good news of Jesus (the good news that people can be saved, go to heaven, lead great lives, follow God through being forgiven, and the promise of eternal life) Which is a very good thing. However, it is very easy when THIS is the focus, to leave out the fact that Evangelism is not the SOul ENd purpose. The main purpose in our lives, i think, should be that we realise how much God loves us, what great lengths that God would go to to save us and love us. As a response to this love, this expression of love, we can only be proclaiming the news that we have recieved.

The problem with that, however, is we can spend so much time trying to work out what love we need to feel, how everything fits together when It clearly says in the bible (mentioned in the sermon) that we are not in sight of everything, but everything will be shown when Jesus Returns. So basicly when Jesus comes back, we'll know everything and why everything happened the way it did. So our response must be love, but at the same time we must realise that we're not going to have a 100% fully convinced heart 100% of the time. We may feel 90% convinced one day and then 30% the next. The point is, that we are to settle in our HEARTS and decide what we feel and know, then actively do and pursue. That we may not know 100% what we're doing, or where we're going or why we're doing it, but that all will be revealed at the end of time.

Sometimes, things like "soak in prayer" or "be filled constantly with the spirit" or "i just feel so thankful for everything God is doing in my lives, and am not thankful enough" can seem or become cliche in our lives. They can often be used a lot, and I think they are all excellent words. The reason that they can become "cliche" is because they lack a few things, either vision, either expansion of what it can mean, become stagnant in the lack of originality, or we just don't fully understand what they can mean. It all comes back to the "we don't see everything 100%". I know a few guys, who pray, pray and pray. They churn out passion like tomorrow will never begin, and mesmerise verses so that they can recall at a later date. They long to be able to talk to their friends about Jesus, give them some insight, some wise words about him that will open their eyes. Sometimes it just takes one person to say "YES i believe!".

The latter refers to me,

The need for passion can be "boosted" when you hear a preach from mark, or Piper, or Terry it can bring your passion back up to the level you think you need. Worship from awesome bands such as Jesus Culture, Hillsong, and Tim Hughes are pumped into our system just to try and recieve that one word that will "change our lives". We, as christians, passionate and excited for doing the work of Christ are so 'consumerist' in our lifestyle that we forget to just sit and wait upon the Lord. To be paitent, to not rush, nor try and fill our minds with "Holy thoughts", "Jesus thoughts" "mission thoughts". King David, spent his alone time with God singing songs about the beauty of Gods love, they were mysterious and poetic - lacking 100% vision, but highlighting things that give curiousity to ones soul.

Is our aim to save lives? is our goal to love someone like they've never been loved before? Is our ambition to break out in spirit?

I believe, that our passion comes from the knowledge that Jesus has saved us - that our boost comes from the fact that there IS more to come in the future! that when we die, we rot, we fall to the ground, we become worthless and nothing - that we actually have a hope! Jesus will be king. He will rule us, and we will be able to take long walks, view beautiful countryside, enjoy nice weather, enjoy one anothers company, play, have fun, and enjoy Gods love the intended way.

Never think yourself second best!!!

2009-05-17T17:32:00.000-07:00

Something that I need to believe more of.

Facing The Giants. A really inspirational film, mixed with cringing acting that makes you want to scream with laughther, and yet clear messages that still cut through the most bored of heart. When we watched this at a youth group...there was an amazing buzz and excitement that everyone felt at the end of the film...this is the kind of thing that i wish to be able to create in the future in film/animation. It was like Newday, but at home, it was a wierd and surreal experience. Various people got various different messages from the film, but these stuck out for me;

revival - there was a scene when the coach, was told by a bibal-teacher to come outside onto the playing field of the school. Once he got there...the field was filled with people praying for one another, and this was such an exciting sight personally. I just wanted to SCREAM awesome-ness...the thought of this kind of revival is something that one can sometimes not even dare to think is possible. There have been people praying for revival a lot, and like in the film, it sometimes takes US to take that motion to make it go underway.

never think of yourself as second best, or let anyone tell you that you're under-par or inferior -
This, again, is something that is pretty personal. When I saw it on screen the kid looked just like me emotionally and to see the similarity was exciting! (i really need to use another word apart from scream and exciting lol) I'm sure we can associate with the feeling of undermining...or thinking that someone is better than you at something. This stuck out at me, that certain areas in my life have been so said as inferior...when what i need to do is try my best and let God sort out the results. I can associate this with my Animation skills, my musical ability, my speaking ability, my personality, my football ability, my drawing ability, and finally my teaching ability.

Look to the bible for answers -
I can so often just look at waiting for the 'fate' of the world to decide things in my life, and not looking for God's help in anything but instead taking all the glory for myself for achievements and feeling stupid in the down moments. From the film I really was inspired by the fact that the main character litterally spent all night looking for answers in the bible - he was that dedicated to finding help from God.

Pushing through till the very end till we emotionally and physically cannot go any further
There is a point in the film where the 'leader' of the team is put to the test by carrying a 140kg man across a football field. He is blindfolded so that he will go till the complete end, even when he goes through large amounts of pain, the coach manages to push him on and on until he finally does twice the amount he set the leader to. It just shows that we can often set ourselves goals to reach when actually we are capable of doing so much better. For me, whenever i'm on a form of transport and feel really uncomfortable (travel-sickness) then my brain will keep saying "ok just till the next stop" and 9 times out of 10 I will push myself till the very end. I never really think that this is amazing stuff because its mainly to do with my mind and emotional inconvience's that shouldn't be there in the first place, because I put them there in the first place.

over-out

A Bit of insight into our lives...and where to look to.

2009-05-04T06:34:00.000-07:00

Yo all amazing people!!! Below i'm going to write 7 different TYPE of people that we can be and at the end...what we can look to instead? these are all from Tim Kellers book "the reason for God" so they are pretty decent ;)

I don't know about you, but being tossed and turned by various circumstances of this world is something i struggle with. Whether it be self-image, self worth, friends, people, relationships, family, jobs or money - we can ALL make them very important factors in our lives!

For me, i'm one to get annoyed at someone who says "you should be doing this better" or "you MUST live your life this way"...to something less harsh like "Why don't you just stop thinking about it less?" or "it's ok, we all do it...but do it less ok?" or "don't be such a little kid". These comments just somehow have a way to get right inside us and make what we already have (which can be nothing) to confusion once more. The problem with these comments is there is NO REAL SOLUTION. It's all, just try harder...or BE BETTER. SO, if you are like me and just want to KNOW what to do!? then read these next 7 points, find out which ones you can REALLY relate to...then read my final point at the end :)

"
1) if you base your worth upon your spouse or

partner, you will become emotionally dependant,

Jelous and demanding. The other persons problems

will be overwhealming to you.

2) if you're identity is in family and children.

You will live your life through your children until

they despise you, or you have no self of your own.

at worst you will abuse them.

3) if you center your life upon your work or career

you will be a driven work aholic and boring shallow

person. At worst will lose friends and family and

develop a deep depression

4) if you center on money or possessions, you will

be eaten up by worry or jelousy about money. you

will be willing to do unethical things in order to

keep the same life style which will eventually blow

up your life

5) If you center your life upon finding comfort,

gratification or pleasure, you will find yourself

becoming addicted to something you will become

chained to the escape stratagies to avoid the

hardness of life.

6) if you center your life upon relationships and

approval you will be constantly be overly hurt by

critism and therefore lose friends. you will fear

confronting others and therefore be a useless

friend

7) if you divide the world up between good and bad

you will demonise your opponments. you will be

controlled by your enemies. without them you have

no purpose. If you center your identity on religion

and morality, you will (if living up to those moral

standards) become proud self righteous and cruel.

If you dont, your guilt will be devestating.
"

SO! I can certainly identify with a few of those at least! so what is the way out?? If we can't LOOK to any of those things, what CAN we look to?

The answer...LOOK TO JESUS. The thing to do, is to NOTICE which area you are REALLY REALLY going for. For example; looking the best so that you attract the best girl - this could involve: Training Hard for the big Muscley look. Buying clothes that look amazing. Taking Photographs of you in 'cool' positions. Eating super healthy food to get thin. Always looking in the mirror to see change. THESE could come under points; (1), (4), (5) and (6). WOW, so just ONE area can come under HALF of the points. That shows how DETERMINED we really can be to achieving something (this might be more apparent in guys) SO instead of focusing on looking good everyday. Focus, rather, on REMINDing yourself of JESUS everyday. Make HIM your point of obsession every day. And see what happens :) over and out

Rubbish Films, and getting Closer to God

2009-04-22T15:29:00.000-07:00

Watched the most crappy film tonight and i'll give you a few pointers why! (cos i was that bored i feel the need to write down what was so crappy)

1) Good actors, but failed to use them in an engaging interesting way

2) Too much complicated relationship issues and random emotions that you just cannot essociate with because there is no back story. There

3) There is a constant 'mystery' about the characters - it's good to start with, but after a while you need to start to be able to understand the REASON for their actions, and it took faaar to long before you knew why they did it and the final result was pretty lame.

4) They tried to make it like Oceans 11/12/13 film...cool...classy and 'intelligent'...but failed along the way because a) it wasnt cool, b) classy or c) intelligent...there were no cool gadgets and most of the jokes and catch-up lines were poor. Also, the randomness of getting to know new people was silly.

SO
that out of the way, thanks for sticking with me (if you have)
...
Getting closer to God:

Now, if you had asked me a few years if my honest opinion of getting closer to God meant loving people LESS and focusing on the word of God and become 'legalised' about it - I would have said NO. Looking back, I realise that in reality actually I thought YES. I didn't REALLY know what it entailed because I had never tried, and I had heard people say that getting closer to God meant that you loved the people more blah - and it made sense. However, there was always that thought deep down that popped out from time to time offering the suggestion "maybe God just makes you a freak? I mean, look at some of the people who know 'God' now? they're pretty freaky right?"

I'd notice this, get annoyed with some people, ignore others or just generally feel down when I got home. The funny thing now is that the more I delve into the complexities of God's creation, the more I realise his creation is awesome (BIIG suprise there!?) HOWEVER, I also understand more that there ARE people who DO pull you down. Who do make you look at yourself and think "what's the point?" yet because of God, these things are tolerable...and even exciting. God makes you realise that, common, he is the controller of everything here...he's not going to just leave bits to falter...he's like the gadener of his plants...caring deeply for each one and overjoyed when a plant bears fruit.

I think often, we can wash over the fact that there are people who pull us down in some areas of life. There are some people who pull us up in life. But delving into God's word can help us IDENTIFY these areas that are being pulled up or down by people, and we can recognise them and even them out a bit. Now, you could argue of course that there are lots of other things that pull us about too (drugs, sex, obsession etc) but for now i'm just pointing this one area out.

So my point really is, it's interesting to think how when we think of getting closer to God we immediately think of the rules and the things that need to follow. Yet, gloriously its not like that at all! it's like a breath of fresh air, and a lot of the time christians can be like that. Stuffy. Air-cloggers. Let's not be like that. Let's be on fire for God, and seeing as God is the number 1 point...and He is a God of grace...then lets put that number 1 first...sin is there, maybe number 2 or 3...but God's grace is number 1!! lets not forget that by focusing in on the sin, or the things we 'need' to do.

Talents of the world.

2009-04-08T06:24:00.000-07:00

Just looking out in the garden from my bedroom window i've been struck with the talents shown. My neighbour clearly shows acting skills and loves his western-gun movies. Other people I know play instruments well, others teach well, others look after the house well and keep it clean, others can learn well and write good essays, others can go through life observing every beauty and then putting it onto paper with a perfection that beats my understanding.

Everyone has a talent! in some capacity or the other...I often hear that someone claims to be talent-less and yet types responses to me at the speed of light. To say you are talent-less is to say you do not exist. We ALL have a talent, some other examples i've noticed include; making people feel comfortable and laugh in any situation, having incredible biblical knowledge and willing to discuss at any time, singing in such a beautiful voice that you just want to cry, cooking food that makes your mouth explode with taste and texture, talking about law and politics for so long that you feel that there is NEVER going to be a boring conversation ever again, and lastly someone who takes notice of everything you say - never disregarding or pushing aside what you have to say or think.

So please, if you think you are talentless...just look at your life and you will find a talent...because we ALL have some, whether that be physical ability, emotional ability, or people-ability. What would be so amazing would be if somehow the church got ALL of the talents together to form the most beautiful place on earth because it all clicked 100% now THAT would be a bride getting a smidge closer to what Jesus wants for us.

Your Goals? Your Dreams?

2009-04-08T06:11:00.000-07:00

To strive after your dream or goal or relationship. Is that a healthy thing to do?

This is one question that I have been asking myself recently. To Strive means: To try very hard to do something. So surely this is not a bad thing? because in the bible it says work hard at the things that you do. However, I think we 'strivers' can often use whatever that verse from the bible as a form of excuse not to concetrate on God but rather to concentrate on our Striving. I read in a old little booklet I used to get called Word-4u 2day that we shouldn't strive we should serve. I thought about this statement, weighing up the times when I just serve (whether that be serving at a wedding, helping others, or serving by spending time with someone who you may find it difficult or challenging to) and the times when I have striven. I came to the conclusion, that when I strove for something there was little fruit. When I served, there was more-much fruit.

My situation NOW, is that I feel that I still need to balance some of the two. I need to work HARD...but not get to a point where I neglect serving too, at which point i'm striving or even obsessing. To balance is the key! but it's the hardest thing to do. The answer? try and try and try again. :)

Looking Foward! MISSION!!

2009-04-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

Woo I've done 3 topics tonight...i'm on fiiire and will possibly implode.

MISSION...well mission is something faar from my mind ALOT of the time. My mind can be filled with so many things, either wanting to have fun, do work, achieve, socialise or form a life-committing relationship. Sometimes out of the blue I will get a question from a friend; So what do YOU think is the meaning of life? and I will often feel totally unprepared!! and to be honest I feel that my answer would be lame and totally un-prepared argument.

One thing I want to be able to do, is preach what I practice. So when someone asks you, is God significant in your life? you can answer YES! and give reasons and personalise the question...rather than giving facts and figures that are overly outdated.

Our main reason for feeling lazy is not because we're just plain stupid and dumb! (wow that must make you feel happier) but it is a lack of motivation or purpose or sense of improvement. We are lazy because we think that if we go and discuss the origins of man again then we will fail and fall AGAIN.

- So how do we get motivated? how do we get a sense of purpose? is it purely through ourselves??

- Another thing i've felt is that I didn't want to go ahead and DO something incase God had other plans...or if I was trying to do it MY way instead of his.

The answer to both of these points? We get motivated by the life-fulfilling hope of Jesus and the sacrifice he made for us. We come to a realisation that the sun follows the rain...and that we have to keep trying. so WE must DO...and PRAY. so that involves ME and that involves GOD. You see, when we try and say "If I do this...it might clash with God's plan" what we really are saying is "God can't do everything...REALLY...some of its me and some of its him" But the truth is that...if we DO and PRAY...then actually we are doing what he wanted us to do in the first place...even though we think its US...its actually him...because of the prayer.

SO get praying and get DOING.
LETS get motivated by the spirit and not be troubled by our lives...but live amazing fun chilled lives!!

Never a Moaner...Always a thinker

2009-04-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

Blogger is something I struggle with. Why? because I always feel like I talk about something from a one-sided basis and then cancel that out and go from the other side making both to seem legitimate and both to be as good as the other. My point? it's never defined or clear.

Personally, I get annoyed with myself when I start discussing serious issues and saying things I think could be better or improved or what not. Because half-way through my flow I always come to the realisation that I would not do that well given the same position...because I realise that they must be going through issues too...because I suddenly realise that only a few months ago I was struggling with something else and if at that time someone was ranting about me then i'd prob go flip with all the added pressure.

Everyones opinion, and side that you take always adds to the pressure of the oposing or whatever your forming you basis upon. It then comes into question if someone states something, you think, well it's alright for YOU to say that...but what about the other side? So you say that someone is foolish? do you REALLY know the pressure they are under? or the relationships they have to face? or the every-morning look in the mirror to see themselves...which to them just looks like a mask. EVERYONE has a standpoint, and everyone can blog for years and years forming their standpoint and stating every possible angle of that standpoint. But at the end of the day; Do you really know who they are?

So my challenge for you, is whenever you say something or discuss a topic...maybe just think to yourself the oposing view and the situations and views that FORMED that basis on which you are argueing against.

The Right Mindset

2009-04-01T18:02:00.000-07:00

Often, in the 21st century life-style we are tossed and turned by the waves of different situations causing us to feel sick, tired and alone. Often it can feel like we are either, too busy, or too lazy. We go from one extreme to the other sometimes taking us weeks, months or never at all to ajust. The right mindset in life is a difficult one and one that i've have sometimes puzzled over for hours...pondering at our behaviours and why we feel, why we feel at what times and why. Controlling the mind was a big one for me, because lets face it...it's the one thing that can control our emotions.

Who WOULDN'T want to feel calm, peace and contentment all the time. I often wonder whether this is just a dream. Something we have to wait for...and a unreality that will never come true...something that should NEVER be aspired to...because it is like chasing wind. Which then dutefully brings me back to him. The big man controlling the skies and giving us the directions for us to be blown in. He who is SUPPOSED to bring peace and happiness and calm to any storms.

Sometimes, I can get annoyed by the simplistic of things. The wind blowing in my face in one direction then the sun firing bolts at me in the other - causing my inner-being to scream with frustration. Sounds silly...but it happens. Then there is the times when you just want something to go well...so you try searching in the things you THINK you can do. For me I try MANY approaches. First off, drawing I sketch and sketch hoping to find the drawing that will make me feel all special again...or animate till it satisfies my soul....or play my heart out on the trumpet...or play football and hope to score goals - oh wait I just miss and miss and oh miss again! Then when you feel there is no-where else to turn...you find something else hits you on the back causing you to feel the blow. Then comes the question...OK what else would you like to throw at me? so you go home from a tiring football session - goals scored? none. Expecting to go home and find someone go on at something else...this needs doing...or this...or this...or why didn't you tell me this? you open the door...wait for the call...wait a little more in disbelief. Finally get through the door and a cheerie call awaits you. after the cheerful call you suddenly find your drawing is good...and then the trumpet does well and you get a compliment...and someone says that they want to hang out. WOW it's all happening!

So one thing I think I have learnt over the past few months of university life (at-home) Is that life should not be tackled with a vengance...trying to overcome EVERY obstacle and relationship issue or life or God or drawing or animation or trumpet or eating or looks or personality. But instead to take one thing at a time with paitence and love and kindness and MOST importantly so put EACH thing in line with christ. If we concentrate on Christ, we think less about ourselves and more outwardly...and if we think more outwardly with a GOOD MISSION based motive then all that can be bore is fruit. If we go about life with a SELF seeking GOAL achieving life-style then we will only be dissapointed. Time and Time again...BUT we God will help us realise...THROUGH those circumstances that HE is the way.

One amazing piece of random thing I read the other day which REALLY helped to calm down my frantic life-ness was: "Do not STRIVE....SERVE" so do not strive to be the best worker, christian, friend, world-changer, musician, good-person. But instead, SERVE and you will find answers and peace :)

The Reclusive - 5th March 09

2009-03-05T15:19:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone, we'll i've just been scrubbing through my blog and checking it out and I have to say...wow! it sounds pretty bad and amaturish - but, hey, i'm new to this. This weeks topic I've decided to be on Reclusion, mainly because I am feeling more inclined to do this over the past few weeks or term as it were. Earlier this week I was ill with flu, so I had a few days spent in my bedroom and I thought about how many things I had declined or not gone to in the past few weeks - the following include: not meeting up with a mate, Emerge, Fresher life group, and band rehursal. Wow, sounds like i'm backsliding really doesn't it!

Another topic that I would like to raise is boasting in our lives, in a spiritual sense, and spiritual 'backsliding' as I would like to clear these two things up both in my own head and to anyone who's reading. You hear the term "backsliding" and "coming back to God" and both of these statements are very wrong. There is no such thing as backsliding, if we have faith in God nothing puts us away from his Love no matter what we do - so many times you will see christians judging another persons faith. Instead we should find out the root of the problem that the person is going through and build them up. Never In my life have I found that judging a christian helps them to 'find God again' the only solution is paitence, kindness, and love - again you will find christians who talk about becoming spiritually 'better' (obviously more subtley) instead of resolving the matter with the things I stated earlier. You see, you are far more likely to DAMAGE them and push them down in the LONG run instead of giving them hope and freedom just as the saviour does. Guys of the twenty first century are so full of the NOW status, I am certainly one to fall for this too, and often they will address issues with a bluntness that can offer a glimps of TRUTH, but never recieved in the right way because of this. Back to 'coming to God again' again this is not possible. I view my life as a journey going through my life and throughout time, so say I was to take drugs and not go to church for a year - Does God not love me? no he always loves you, the fact is that drugs are harmful to your health and break the law, simple as. so EVERYTHING that I am feeling at the moment goes back to this point. Christians judging, critisizing, trying to become better than the next christian or church, is all RELATIVE and POINTLESS!! because we really need to grasp God's love for us, and the time and paitence we need. I wish I could go into examples and my theories of their behaviour but I'm running out of time.

So back to being reclusive. In the bible it talks about how we should gather as a community and have fellowship with one another frequently. With both non-christians and also christians who are more experienced in their faith (Many years of faith). So my question, to myself, is why do I want to stay at home and work? Why do I not put the extra effort into socialising when that is what I used to do? Am I merely giving up. Now, alot of peoples first responses to this would be - it's bad, socialise more!! but I am going to analyse the whole situation and go DEEP beneath the surface.
So point number one, the FIRST thing that ones thoughts think when asked - why to reclude? here are some answers: because you're tired, because you have work, because your addicted to something, because you're being selfish. All of those could be true and all could be partially true. So it doesn't really solve the issue at hand and only someone who really didn't give a care and just wanted me to be back to normal would state those things and pass it off to be one of them. Because you see, most of us are to some extent wise based upon our experiences or knowledge. But real wisdom is understanding not just the inital things but the deeper battles. So lets move on - one question I ask myself is, am I becoming obsessive over work? do I need to give it a chill-pill and take a few days off from that? Well as re-assuring and motivationally-starch as that sounds It can't be true because various other activities happen during the week including, football/spending time with college friends/old mates etc. So why is it then that it seems to be narrowed down to people from church? are they mean? dull? am I having a spiritual battle of some sort? Well sometimes I meet people from the church but it is more of a 1-to-1 basis. Therefore am I just becoming less of a 'group' person? well, no, because at college there are times when I am really outgoing and other times when I am more recluded. Ok, so at the moment you spend time with college friends and one-on-ones with some church friends, does this mean your reclusive? I think the real answer in this question is that this is a SEASON, and fresh seasons have fresh challenges. The challenge for this season has been dealing with your work and going out - but only to those who have seemed 'interested' or asked you to go out. I think that the next step is to keep moving foward and alwasys being cheerful and positive with the people you encounter - and as this is one of my key things I try to achieve then this surely isn't a bad thing.

So with that said, I think when someone really delves into their lives and asks themselves "am I really reclusive?" the answer is generally no, and that as your years go by you always expect better or more than last time which may not always be the case so you have to realise this and be filled with a peace that only the spirit can provide! :D

Right, i'm tired so over and out!!

To Play From Your Heart??

2009-02-16T19:41:00.000-08:00

You might have guessed it, I'm talking about playing my trumpet, on a sunday and thursday evenings - for band rehursal. How can a classical instrument intertwine with a rock band that includes electric guitar, drums, bass, keyboards and singers? This was one among many of the questions that arose when I started playing for the trumpet. It was one heck of a jump out of my comfort zone that is for sure and something that I NEVER expected it to go as far as it has. I remember back in the day when I cautiously recieved the music and played the right notes in the right place to the music as best I could never wanting to EVER have to play a solo. One thing about trumpet solo's is that they are very and I mean very tempremental - if you blow one note that's it your out of the window and the laughter of, at most the whole church or at best just a few close friends. God has really given me tonns and tonns of grace in this area and I've really been pigeon fed from the start upwards really. Playing in the spirit with an instrument, especially the trumpet, is an interesting concept to grasp - or at least it was for me. You expect this amazing, special, crazily wierd experience that makes you play like the next musical genius. My realisiation? that that theory is totally not true. The trumpet is a instrument that should be used in the correct place to uplift, to comfort and to show people God's beauty - to have a glimps even with my half attempt which to be honest should have been scrapped by God the minute I started.

It's not about how YOU feel, it's about how you seize the moment to bring to the table ANY cards you can offer and see where it leads. I remember my first ever solo at crown woods - Greg ,our music leader, had written a great part for me in one of the classic in joke of the 'silver horns' Somehow I had to bring this to everyone and not Fluff it up!! boy was I scared!! ok..here comes the first note...ready...almost there...NOW! and somehow it worked and as soon as I had finished it out came the water bottle to refresh my already parched throat. My hands shaking like mad and looking around desperately for somewhere that I can feel comfort or refreshing - I found none. It was the begining of a journey to look elsewhere than other people or certain objects for comfort and peace. You'll be pleased to hear that I don't get so nervous when a trumpet solo is presented upon me, mainly because in terms of being humbled in front of the whole church - well i've been there! It's funny because once you lose everything in terms of dignity and place in somewhere you realise that there is only one way and that is UP! Hallelujah!! and once you take the pressure off yourself the sky is the limit really!

On the topic of comfort zone, I would say that is one main thing that has been shifted so much the past few years. It really started when I started to make my own decisions, my own choices, and for me at the time it was chasing a dream of the time - to be great at football, to pull of trick after trick and still get round people and score goals. I've always loved football, and used to play it a lot with some close friends in backgardens and in the summer we would gather a large group to play in the park. Football freestyling (where you perform a trick after another without a set routine but where you just pull off as you go along) is also another thing I've been heavily influenced and inspired by - on youtube there are so many skillful players!! But there was a point where I decided that I would go against everything that I had been told that I was good at and try something that you had to be 'good' at from a very early age and 'picked' out - obviously I sucked because I had not been selected. So for me I guess I was out to prove them all wrong. I think I trained the most on something that I actually wanted to do for the first time in my life and played EVERYDAY - yes!! everyday!! for 2-3 weeks straight! trying to perfect my shots, control and the motion that your feet would go through to strike it correctly.

Funnily enough there was a Nike Football event that was FREE and hosted in London and I found it on their website by accident during the time that I was training - it was for two weeks later! So I signed up without hesitation because HERE was my chance to prove myself! prove that I can do something that I want to do and set my mind to. Then, two fridays before the event, I got phoned by a guy who was going to interview some people to show their journey from training to the actual event. THIS WAS AWESOME! I had got soo close to television it was crazy. Unfortunately, because of complications, we could not communicate so he had to choose someone else - but I didn't care! this had inspired me to keep going and keep trying. So I took my NEXT step out of my saftey zone and travelled across half of London ON MY OWN (yes this may seem trivial to you, and me now, but at the time was crazy!) I mean, yeah sure go to Bromley, or such but I had never really explored London on my own - either you have a friend, or family. But anyway that was a biggie and once I got there I experienced the most fun, exciting, awesome day of my life. I got to try on their latest boots that they were publicising for the day, I went MENTAL (for me) in terms of socialising, instead of just not saying anything, I TALKED to strangers right out got to know their names and their journeys - it was really exciting and inspiring to hear other guys experiences. Heck I felt out of my leauge, I had NEVER played a proper 90 minute game, or even played for a proper team and it just made me realise how awesome this world is. Because instead of feeling envious of their experience and skill I decided to learn and to try for myself what they did. I could talk for ages about how many things were faced that day, but I came back home, and I said to my parents - IT WAS AWESOME and the excitement in my eyes told them everything. Since then, my game has upped to the next level and my confidence in myself has grown only to the level that is this: God has me in his hand, so why not just give it a try!?

Where are you now with football? Ok, well having glimpsed my dream it is awesome but at the same time I feel like I have experienced enough to last me a lifetime - something I don't want to be spoiled and playing football with the guys now is always fun, I'll never turn down a footie match if I can!! In terms of football freestyle I'm constantly trying to find the time to improve a bit on a trick or such but football is amazing in the terms that the more I practice the more new theories and things I realise about it to apply to it to make it better and more consistance in terms of performance. It used to be about scoring goals, now its about feeling free in your game and playing from your heart.

Peace and time for bed at 04.26am!! gosh its late

First Blog!

2009-02-16T18:25:00.001-08:00

Wow, didn't think that I would start blogging about my life but I read a friends and got inspired so I thought - why not?! - would be nice to get things out in a controlled but good-for-you manner. So Welcome! if your reading this I commemorate you, I will be truley honoured!! :D

OK, so onto the meaty stuff. I'm not much of a writer so most of what I will put down will be just straight from my head-to-paper and put in the best, most dramatic, illustrated way possible :) - well maybe not always dramatic, I mean some of my dramaticness is personalised, and sometimes it is more global in terms of audience. Reflecting on 2009 so far, and about how life is plugging along, and reading some blogs has given me inspiration as stated above - but when delivering messages I hate to give the wrong impression so i'll just go through this in rough and edit later when I can be bothered.

Some practical stuff, I got a new phone on Sunday - I went through the process of debating between the new blackberry phone or even Iphone 3G on a contract. But after much consultation I realised that I would much rather pay £180 (£120 for a years credit + £60 for the phone itself) than £460 for an Iphone that would pretty much have the same use as my £180 phone. So I got the sony ericsson T303 which is pretty nifty - with the same old number. Also whilst in the jolly town of Bromley I met some delightful girls trying to 'make out' with me as they said although I think their motive came more from the drink they had previously drunk - on a sunday too! honestly what is the youth of today becoming too eh? youth of today/tomorrow/yesterday is another topic i'll go into another time. I also got some new pencils (ranging from 9B-F for those interested in pencils...lol) from WHSmiths with some Xmas vouchers, and finally some AWESOME surround sound headphones - great for those super bouncy bass tunes.

Alright if you've made it thus far or skipped (I don't blame ya, unless ur a stalker of some kind :\) then no worries because now some things that are on the brain at the moment. Well I guess one SHOULD be girls, because well that's what I have been like for pretty much all my life as well as the fact that Valentines has just passed. Despite this, college's beautiful work pressure and teaching is proving to get in the way - and to be honest with you, the less you seem to look the more things turn up. I mean they still are at the back of the brain, but somehow i've pushed it there for the moment and I'm really pressing into the career that I have chosen to pursue and also a God who's love is never ending - Gah, being brought up with this in your head 24/7 makes you VERY frustrated with hearing this kind of stuff
Yes I KNOW that God loves me, but I've never personally felt his love towards me - it's always felt that It has been my own effort rather than his

One of many thoughts that would pop into my day to day musings if such was brought up. How has this thought changed? Because I've realised this one thing, NO matter what I do whether that be get up in the morning and have a biscuit from the not-for-eating tin to have sex with a girl/guy before marriage it's still called one thing - SIN. Unfortunately it's all there, and for me I had to accept that I was sinful despite what I thought I was (not that I thought I was perfect HECK NO! faaar from it) So once I accepted and realised that I sin all the time then I realised that God sent his son for Us, for ME, to die so that I could be FREE - Wait, hold up! I don't feel free?!? - Oh but you are because even though you SIN all the time he loves you no matter what, and he won't punish you by casting lightning onto you and sending you to hell for stealing that chocolate biscuit you really wanted!! Wooow, so even if I have faith in him, believe he is there and go and do ANYTHING i'm still free?? yup. So whats the point of the 'rules' of the bible and such? Well, the 'rules' in the bible are there for a good reason - to keep you out of trouble mainly! I mean, if you asked yourself truthfully, they all seem pretty reasonable really - common? See, God has put in-built morals that even the person furthest away from him still feels them!

So anyway, What does pressing into my career ensue??
Well firstly It requires something that the 21st century cultural people all want but don't know how to address it - purseverence, commitment, and HARD WORK. See when I used to hear the word HARD WORK I would think - Impossible, unobtainable, stupidly crazy endurance, you get the idea. Yet even disiplining yourself to draw for 30 mins once or twice a week feels like the end of the world! I see no improvement, no change, just the same old dribble and crap that I always thought I had in me. This is one CORRECT view - that it's HARD WORD, but as I heard from a comedian, hard is good. Hard builts up your paitence, builds character, and makes you pursue more the things you want.

So many things have been mulling over my mind in the past months, almost settled but not quite, and by the grace of God so many of them have been answered!! I would say that the beggining of your journey begins when you start making personal decisions yourself whether that be deciding to be rebelious and tidy your room to pursuing a dream you always had. Before or while you don't make decisions you're essentially a puppet to life, watching things as they go past and not quite sure whats real and fake, waiting for something to eventually happen. Sounds cruel and harsh to people who are in that situation but I really don't mean it to be. I speak from my own experience and more am dissapointed, and yet excited about the future, in myself rather than trying to 'change' all who are trapped. If you are trapped in this and want to get out, my advice would be to take pigeon steps, you may and will most likely have to start ignoring what people say about you so that you can advance to where you want to be. But slow and steady wins the race :) and always remember that God has a hand on your life ALWAYS.

Back to my future career. The journey from last September has been an awesome, and crazy season. I have felt personally that I have learnt soo much in terms of EVERYTHING and God has stengthened so much - too much in my opinion because heck I don't deserve it. Character Animation is one of the things that I am interested in take to the next-level. What is character animation exactly? character animation explores the human emotions and characteristics that make us, us and the reason we do things - so in way it explores philosophy and how we can interprit this and bring it to the visual screen making it appealing and interesting so that the viewer carrys on watching while associating with the character. This means you got to be good at communication which is one thing that I believe to be improving in however its funny because it's totally unintended but it also comes with a cost because when someone else tries to communicate something I end up becoming frustrated with the way they attempt to go about it - hopefully God will give me paitence and humility in that area and so many others. So yeah that's where I'm heading, but obviously along the way I also do things that I can actually do already.

Peace